Coming soon to Aylesham

In this article, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred

​

 Clash of the Bowls Titans: Aylesham vs. Betteshanger Showdown

In the quaint little town of Aylesham, nestled amidst the rolling hills of Kent, there lies a secret battleground where the true titans of sport clash – the Aylesham Bowls Club. But across the green expanse, lurking in the shadows of rivalry, stands their arch-nemesis, Betteshanger Bowls Club. What ensues when these two titans collide is nothing short of legendary, a spectacle that has left many a spectator in stitches and the players in a tizzy.

The rivalry between these two clubs traces back to a time when they were both hardened colliery teams hailing from the depths of the Kent Coalfield. From rugby scrums to the serene greens of lawn bowls, the competitive fire burns bright, igniting a friendly tension that electrifies the atmosphere whenever they meet.

Enter the players, each with their own quirks and idiosyncrasies. The play begins with two trial ends, yes, you read that right,  thanks to Club Captain Carla Richardson-Bye-Chown who after many years is trying to get all club games played correctly.   First up we have Mr. ( I'll try to be up) Bob  the nerves will almost certainly get the better of him, causing his bowls to fall short like failed dreams.  Steve rolling fearlessly from his wheelchair, is a force to be reckoned not just for his bowls, but also for his ability to plough through the opposition and his own team mates usually in reverse,  with gay abandon he will roll through friend and foe,  wondering if the battery will last can send his game into freefall.  Then there's Mad Frank our very own Compo, who always wants to get the game finished as quickly as possible, no finesse for him, always hurrying everyone along, home and visiting players alike – rushing around may lose him a little weight which certainly wouldn't hurt his game, or his wardrobe choices.  Rick will chuck a few bowls up, living on past glories, and happy to relive the memories of past Betteshanger games, talking constantly of the games when he could actualy reach the jack and sometimes even got the line right, he still has the chalk on his wood from his only toucher back in 2001.

Leading the charge is Men's Captain Graham, hailing from Derbyshire, a County not exactly renowned for its bowls prowess or its knack for producing inspiring leaders. But Graham's determination knows no bounds, even if his team occasionally questions his strategic and team choices.

But Aylesham has their own secret weapon – Nick, whose uncanny ability to consume copious amounts of alcohol somehow translates into unbeatable prowess on the green. It's a tactic as old as time, and one that Betteshanger knows all too well as Nick was once a Betteshanger lad before converting, late in life on the orders of his wife.

And let's not forget the post-game festivities, where beer flows like water and camaraderie reigns supreme. Yet amidst the sea of ale, Aylesham's more modern men in their short shorts stand out like flamingos in a flock of pigeons, sipping on Bud Light, wine,  and other "girly" drinks with a sense of pride that's as amusing as it is endearing, the Gay Bar catering to everyone.

As the tension mounts and the bowls are rolled, the true spirit of camaraderie shines through, reminding us all that, at the end of the day, it's not about who wins or loses, but about the bonds forged on the green – and the laughs shared along the way. So here's to the Aylesham vs. Betteshanger game:  may the bowls be ever up and on line, the sun ever shine on your back, and the laughter never cease.